Embassy Success ????

Well, I decided to return to Vancouver on my own to attempt once again to officially notify the United States of America that I have added to the population of our austere nation. This time I met with limited success.

Oh, I did manage to bring all the proper documents and did get them to sign my paperwork. Heck, in two weeks depending on Canada Post, I will recieve official documentation that Sean Peter Crowley is a bona fide citizen of the U.S. of A.

This is all fine and dandy, only I'm still not able to claim him on my taxes. Part of the reason I have tried to do this so quickly is in order to get a Social Security # assigned to my son so I can claim the $1,000 tax break. heh, I may not believe in all this tax break nonsense, but if it exists, I might as well use it. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to me, I was required to bring his medical card in order to file the SSN application. Can someone please explain why this would have any bearing. I mean, I just went through the million and one hoops to prove he is in fact my biological son and is in fact an American citizen, but they can't process his SSN application without seeing his health card. A calmer Paul Crowley ruled this day and I politely went on my way, not even bringing up the fact that he doesn't get a BC health card because he is covered under the US military health care system. Pooh says it all. "Oh, bother....."

Now I will have to file a SSN request in the US because the consulate only processes applications at the time of issuing his Consular Report of Birth Abroad. Trust me on this one... I have no problem with not having to go back to that consulate any time soon.

On a separate, but related note. As part of my short trip. I dipped south of the border on a shopping trip to the states. Not only is the weak dollar hurting my bottom line up here (since I'm still paid in greenbacks), but there are some things, creature comfort things, that I just can't get up here. Not to mention certain products are outrageously expensive in Canada compared to the US. Take Pure Vanilla Extract, for example. Not a major item, but for a family of five, and a wife that likes to bake from time to time, vanilla is a fairly regular commodity. The standard (larger) size bottle runs about $5-6 USD (I can get for $4 and change at the Navy Commissary in Everett or Bremerton). The same brand and same bottle costs $18-20 CAD. At the current exchange that's nearly triple the price ! Paper products - too: tissue paper, tin foil, plastic wrap, paper towels - outrageous in Canada. So any chance I get, usually about once every three months I make a run down across the border to stock up. It's kind of funny when I get to the checkout counter with a completely full basket of only about a dozen different items (all in bulk). I do get some strange looks when I throw up on the counter 6 cans of Hormel Chile, 5 cans of B&M baked beans, 6 packages of Near East rice pilaf, 10 packets of McCormick's Spaghetti Sauce mix, 10 bags of Goldfish crackers (it's got to be bags, the boxed crackers just taste stale), 4 bottles of All laundry detergent, 3 rolls of Reynold's Wrap and Aluminum foil, 4 12-packs of Pepsi One and three boxes of Jiffy Corn Muffin mix. Shopping at the navy exchange is a bonus, too as there is no sales tax. Between GST and PST, we pay more than 14% sales tax on just about everything we buy up here.

The border crossings are pretty humorous. I have BC plates on my car. We kept our Guam plates on the Explorer that my wife drives around. It's just too neat driving around Nort America with Guam plates, its defintely a conversation starter in the parking lots. If I'm on my own, I'm driving my Altima with the BC plates. Crossing the border on the way south, I sometimes get looks because of the BC plate and the US passport, but I usually throw them for a loop when they ask how long I've been in Canada and I say 4 1/2 months. They then ask if I am bringing any goods back into the US and I say, "no". That usually gets them scratching their heads and Im usually let them off the hook by explaining my status as military posted to Canada. Going back is even more intriguing. The two times I have crossed the border on the mainland sign at the Peace Arch crossing I have never been asked to show my passport. I get waived across with hardly any questions. I suspect they see the BC plates and assume Canadian, but it makes me wonder for safety on this side of the border. When I cross via ferry the Olympics side, the border agents usually wet their whistle when they here I am crossing with a couple hundred dollars worth of groceries and another couple of hundred in goods after being in the US less than 48 hours. The normal exemption for Canadians crossing with less than 48 hours is $50 CAD, so that would mean customs due. But their glee quickly changes to disappointment when they learn of my status under the Visiting Forces Act where I am exempt duty on goods brought for my personal consumption. It's a pretty good deal for me, but the lines at the border are a pain in the butt. All in all, though, well worth the effort.

Embassy Adventure

A better title might be "How to screw our armed forces serving overseas". Do I sound bitter enough? I have now been on hold for thirty minutes with the US Embassy's American Citizen Services call in line. They only accept calls between 1:30 and 3:00 PM so we'll see if I get to talk to someone before they shut down the line. Every 20 seconds I am reminded not to hang up as I have been placed in a "priority queue".
I returned last night from a trip to Vancouver (entirely at my expense) attempting to register my child as a bona-fide American Citizen. Frankly, I could care less whether or not he is a Canadian, and American, or dual citizen prior to his 18th Birthday, but the "process" dictates that I get this done now. For starters, I am unable to claim him as a dependent, and more importantly a child credit on my income taxes without a social security number. I cannot apply for a social security number until I have filed a Report of Consular Services Abroad with the US embassy which brings me to the purpose of this blog.
Had I taken a job in Halifax or Ottawa, I probably wouldn't be off on this tirade, but unfortunately that is not the case. As a resident of Vancouver Island, I don't have the luxury of having a US Consulate nearby. It requires a trip by plane or ferry to Vancouver, on the mainland. Let's eliminate the flying as a hugely expensive operation requiring parking, taxes, etc... That leaves the ferry. First ferry leaves the island at 0700 and arrives at 0835. Allow 10 minutes to offload and you're left with about 1:30 to make it the 30km into downtown Vancouver, more than half of which is two-lane, non-highway through the burbs (traffic signals and all), during rush hour. Fat chance. That means you have to head over the night before..... You guessed it, hotel costs. Oh by the way, I failed to mention that they want both parents present, which as strangers in a distant land, means the kids come too. So now you're out $150CAD for the ferry (round-trip) and at least $150CAD on a hotel if you don't want to fight the rush hour traffic in the morning.
It gets better. You can avoid the overnight, by making an appointment. Only problem - they only book appointments on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons. Not only do you have to miss a day of work, but you have to yank the kids out of school for the day and get to fight the rush hour traffic heading back to the ferry after your appointment. And good luck booking an appointment with less than a month advance notice.

Heh, what do you know. 2:14 and I got to talk to a live person. Only 39 minutes on hold this time, that's a new record (minimum wait time).

Well, I lucked out. I managed to schedule and appointment during the school's Christmas break. No missed school days. Since we had never visited Vancouver (except for the airport terminal) we decided to head out on Sunday and do a little sightseeing. Tuesday rolls around and we decide to walk in during the walk-in hours. Sh-t! I have my digital camera in my bag along with our paperwork. Can't bring it in the embassy. Might take a picture of something sensitive. No, you can't leave it here at the desk, you'll need to secure it outside the building. Now I'm up a creek. I'm 12 city blocks from my hotel and car. Luckily, the bellhop at the Hyatt two-blocks away agrees to put it in their luggage storage room and I book it back to the embassy.
When I finally get to the window, I get Mr. Attitude. He takes one lookn at my documents, spies my copy of my marriage certificate and says, "This is a copy, you will need to return when you have the original, we cannot accept copies". Here's where it gets ugly. This is totally my fault. I made the critical mistake of believing what I was told by the operator on the American Citizen's Services line (42 minute hold that time and the previous record) when I asked her specifically if I could submit a copy of my marriage certificate and she responded I could provided it was the official certificate and not the keepsake one they give you when you first tie the knot. Well, I obviously misunderstood her, but lost my cool somewhat when this embassy peon started giving me attitude about line 4 on the form which says no notarized or photocopied documents would be accepted. He had the nerve to tell me that the ACS line did not tell me a copy would be allowed. So basically, he's calling me a liar. I spewed a tirade of words that quickly filled the "Swear Jar" at home (a quarter a shot when done in front of the kids) and stormed out.
Now in hindsight, if cooler heads had prevailed, I probably should have pleaded my case to at least allow us to complete the remainder of the application, with a later submission of the original document. Not sure it would have worked with this a--hole as he gave me the dreaded "hand" and walked away from the window with an elitist wave as soon as he passed my documents back through the window. Now I get to do this all over again in a month. The insult to the injury was the fact that, sure enough, sitting at the bottom of my lock box is an original copy of the marriage certificate that I didn't find in my quick first look.
So, bottom line, it's all my fault, but you'd think they would be willing to cut you just a bit of slack instead of acting surly and brushing off applicants with a cursory wave of the hand. My initial reaction was f--k-it. Let him stay a Canadian citizen. Unforutnately, that $1,000 a child tax credit is too tempting an offer, so I'll put myself through this misery once again. Thank you very much US Embassy for causing yet again more heartache to this sailor serving overseas. Okay - over-the-border ;-)

Question Period in the Canadian Parliament

For us unhumourous (note the spelling) Americans, Canadian comedy is unbelievably funny. Nothing in the states even compares (save perhaps Jon Stewart). When asked recently how to save shows like Saturday Night Live and mad TV, Robin Williams commented, bring down some Canadian comedians. It's so good, that even what is supposed to pass as "pin-your-eyelids-open" C-SPANesque coverage of political debate is drop-dead funny.
I'm fortunate to work in a small shop where we need to keep our pulse on current events, therefore CBC runs on the flatscreen near my desk all day long. Okay, it does get a bit old when the D'Giorno Pizza ad runs for the 736th time, but it has its moments. Take for example question period in Parliament. CBC runs live coverage of this free-for-all where the opposition claws at any shred of controversy in the Minority Liberal Government and the Liberals put up one lackey after another to paint a rosy picture of all that the government is doing to address the issue. Now, what makes it funny, is that the rules forbid them from talking directly to each other, so all their barbs are directed to the "Speaker" prefaced naturally with "my esteemed colleague" or the "honourable minister from you name the Canadian riding". While all this is going on, the gallery of ministers are either honking out a "here-here" or an "I say" in support of their colleague or an impassioned "no" or "guffaw" or some other less polite derogatory in disdain of the speaker. It's like a gaggle of geese and half the time you can barely hear the minister who is speaking who's voice gets louder and louder as he continues his diatribe to the point where he is shouting to be heard at the end of his speech. Okay, maybe it's not as colourful as a no-hold barred fist fight during a Taiwanese legislature meeting, but it is pretty darn funny. And of course, absolutely nothing is accomplished during question period. It's pure entertainment, and with the way Mad TV and SNL have gone down hill, I may just tape a few question periods to watch on Saturday Night for my laughs.

For some ideas on how to spice it up

The Almighty Dollar

One of the difficulties facing Americans living abroad is how best to convert your greenbacks into the local currency. It's amzing how many schemes the banks and credit card companies come up with to steal your money. Case in point, the advertisers want you to believe that the best exchange rate you can receive when purchasing overseas is from using your card. Partially true, but herein lies the fine print. On top of that exchange rate, we will tack on our own fee to cover the "cost of echanging money". What a farce. Ok, there's no question that the Currency Exchange Kiosk on the corner next to the trendy tourist attraction is not giving you a good rate. At least they tell it how it is. No hidden fees or skimming off the top. Let's examine how the various "exchange" companies do their business.

Currency Exchange Kiosk - You give me your greenbacks and I give you XX Canadian Dollars in exchange. Oh, if you change your mind and come right back with those same Canadian Dollars, I'll change them back into greenbacks, but you won't get as much as you started with. How much less? Well, on average 3 - 4 cents less on the dollar. Cost of doing business you see.

Canadian Bank - The exchange rate for coverting greenbacks to maplebacks is XX. How is that calculated? Well, it varies throughout the day as the market exchange rate fluctuates, but I assure you you are getting the most current rate available. Why is the exchange rate higher than the highest rate it traded at on the markets? Well, our rate is linked to the market exchange rate but it is "slightly" higher due to administrative costs. How much higher? It's not a fixed amount, it varies on a variety of factors, but I assure your sir you are getting a competitive rate. Oh by the way, if you are depositing your funds by American check or money order, we will put a 25 business day hold on your funds. Why? Well, it takes some time for us to send request for funds to your bank in the US and then for them to return the actual funds to the bank. Note: Kind of funny how over the past year, the funds have been removed from my checking account on average, two days after I deposit it in the bank. The other 23 days must be because they have to get the money by dog and sled team to your bank.

American Credit Card Company - We have the best exchange rate. True. Without a doubt, based on my informal check of the exchange rate I get on a day I deposited funds in Canadian bank with the exchange rate on a purchase made that same day. About 1-1.5 cents better on the dollar. But wait, Mastercard and VISA charge a 1% fee on all overseas purchases. So what's that other fee? Oh, well we charge a 2% fee on all overseas purchases to cover our costs.


Amazing. Because of the aforementioned 25 day wait on depositing funds into by Canadian bank, I have taken to charging just about everything. That little 2% credit card fee has been costing me close to $50 US a month over the last year. Luckily I have found a credit card company that deals with the military that does not charge any additional fee for overseas purchases and I have applied for a card through them. A little late, but I refuse to give the money-grubbing credit card companies one more cent of my hard-earned money. What a racket. I'm already spinning from the upward spiralling dollar, which had severely reduced my purchasing power North of the border. Internet shopping here I come. Oh, forget that, I forgot about the customs dues on all purchases via the mail. It's a losing proposition, but I will continue to fight the hard fight.

Get with the times

While watching all the pre-election coverage, I swore I would never do this, so here I am.

Blog. What a strange term. Not a big thing out here in BC. Out here they would probably assume it is some sort of counter-culture term, since everyone out here is hopped up on dope anyways. Okay it's not that bad, but I saw a great editorial cartoon that shows a Canuck in BC giving directions to an American tourist with a caption that says, "take a right after the third grow-up, follow that street until you pass the fifth grow-up, take a right, and its the second grow-op on the right". The wacky weed is definitely big business up here.

Not sure what direction I will take this now that I'm crawling into the world of blogging, but I guess I'll continue to provide my perspective of life abroad North of the border. Let the good times roll